Genesis 24:1-26 – Chesed
One of the most famous psychologists of the 20th century was Abraham Maslow. He came up with the idea of the ‘hierarchy of needs’. For him, basic needs, such as feeling safe and having food and warmth, were at the bottom of the hierarchy. At the top, was what he called ‘self-actualization’. This is the desire to accomplish everything that you can, to become your best self, to create a life full of meaning. The idea is normally applied to people, but I wonder what self-actualization means for Radlett Reform. What is the best that we can do as a community? Does the parasha give any ideas?
We read that the very old Abraham said to his servant - traditionally thought to be Eliezer, “Find a wife for my son Isaac, from my birth place”. Eliezer arrived at Nachor and prayed these words: “God, make something happen in front of me today and show kindness to Abraham”. Eliezer was the first person in the Bible who asked God for personal guidance. More than that, he had the gall to tell God what miraculous sign he wanted – a young woman drawing water for his 10 camels, each of which would drink over 100 litres of water, so that’s a lot of trips to the well! How likely would it be to find a woman who volunteered to do this? And how presumptuous of Eliezer to be making demands of God?! But God seemed fine with this, as if God wanted to be needed and to have an active role in the human drama. Maybe, God was returning Abraham’s unquestioning obedience, when God had demanded that he sacrifice Isaac, as if God felt guilty for this crazy test of loyalty.
Anyway, Eliezer’s test was also a great assessment exercise for any potential wife. I spent my career designing selection and assessment processes, and I think Eliezer’s is entirely reasonable. The woman who succeeded, would have shown hospitality to strangers, kindness to animals, and a willingness to put herself out for others. Eliezer asked her for water just for himself; but without being prompted, Rebecca provided water for the camels as well. Now lots of betrothal scenes happen in the Bible by wells, for example Jacob and Moses. But elsewhere, it is the male who tries to impress the female, by drawing the water and fighting off other men. Rebecca is clearly some sort of superwoman. Eliezer just watches open-mouthed as she makes umpteen trips to the well; he really doesn’t score many marks for gallantry.
Isaac later recognised how lucky he was to have Rebecca. He asked God, “Why did you make her so kind-hearted?” God responded, “So you could love her, my son.” Why did you make her so good looking?” “So you could love her, my son.” “Why did you make her a such a good cook?” “So you could love her, my son”. Isaac thought for a moment and said, “I don't mean to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her, well, not that bright?” “So she could love you, my son.”
The trait Eliezer was seeking in a wife, was chesed – which was first translated by William Tyndale in the 1530s as loving-kindness. The Talmud says: “The Torah begins with an act of chesed and ends with an act of chesed.” It began with God clothing the naked Adam and Eve, and it ended with God burying the dead Moses.
Judaism demands that we act lovingly - with chesed - to others, especially to the vulnerable. The human world should not operate just on impersonal principles, like power and justice, but also on love and concern. Practical acts of chesed, such as providing shelter for the homeless, food for the hungry, assistance to the poor, visiting the sick, and comforting mourners, have always been key to Jewish life.
In fact, the Talmud argues that chesed is greater even than tzedakah (charity) in 3 ways. Firstly, tzedakah is done with money, while chesed may be done with money or with acts. Secondly, tzedakah is done only to the poor, while chesed can be done to anyone. Finally, tzedakah is given only to the living, while chesed may be shown to the dead. Like tomorrow’s Mitzvah day, everyone can do chesed.
So Chesed is not about simply responding to a request for funds or putting something in the food box. These are important, but they fail to engage with real people on the other end of the giving. When people give money in a compassionate manner and at a time when it can be well used, they bring chesed to tzedakah. Chesed is when you give your heart and mind to the well-being of a needy person. It occurs when there is real understanding between two people; loving your neighbour as they need to be loved, which may not be the same way that you want.
Chesed often comes in informal, small, emotional acts of kindness, with no expectation of getting anything in return. It might be calling a friend you haven’t spoken to for a while, offering to do a chore for an elderly neighbour, making someone laugh, telling a sibling you are proud of them - even talking to a stranger at kiddush! These acts take little effort to do, which is maybe why they often get pushed down the priority list. We can all do more acts of kindness - not waiting to be asked to help out, or only leaping into action when 10 thirsty camels show up!
Treating Isaac with chesed was particularly appropriate. His father had tried to kill him and his mother had just died. He was traumatised by the Akedah, so that he couldn’t even be trusted to go out of the land to choose his own wife. He felt lost, betrayed, abandoned. To be healed, he needed loyalty, love and kindness. He needed chesed. So Eliezer sought out the trait that would most benefit Isaac, to enable him to live his best life. Not as significant a life as his father Abraham or his son Jacob, but given his trauma, the best that was possible for Isaac,; a self-actualized life.
So back to my original question, what does self-actualization mean for our community? Maybe we are a bit like Isaac. After the trauma of Covid, we have not yet regained previous levels of vitality and engagement. We need to proactively contact people, to encourage them to support others and to show how much their participation is appreciated. Showing more chesed to each other, will build a sense of belonging and strengthen relationships. It will help overcome people’s sense of loneliness and improve mental health. I think we all need to take responsibility to provide emotional support to others and not expect a pastoral team to do this for us.
But even doing that, is not enough to provide meaning. It’s easy for an Orthodox community to find purpose. They focus on services and ritual, which give security and structure. But this is a lower level of need; it’s not self-actualization. I think a successful Reform synagogue, has to be doing chesed in the broader community, by which I mean tikkun olam. Perhaps helping people with the looming economic crisis, assisting refugees, or tackling loneliness. A project that will help society, and put into practice Reform Jewish values. I know many people here, are involved in social action individually, but we don’t do significant work as a community. This of course would help society, but it would also inspire us. It would make me really proud to be a member of this synagogue, and may even inspire me to get more involved. How about you? Shabbat shalom